Who do we want to be?

I admire my father (don't tell him that tho. XD). He never expected to be a father. My mother was told she could never have children. His own father gave up on his family early into my father's life, so my father never knew how to... well, be a father.

He was never a great father character growing up. But looking back, I know he was a great man. He cared for us, sacrificed his dreams to work in a soul-sucking job to ensure my siblings and I had food on the table. By watching him, I learned that your father does not define who you are. He never left. He broke down a lot, he would drink a lot, something to numb him I guess, to give him some enjoyment in his brief times away from work. But he never quit, he never called in sick even when he should have. Every time he left a job to go to a better job they would have to hire 3 people or more to replace him because he had taken over so many other jobs in his time.

His father walked out on him. My father didn't, but he struggled. I strive to take the next step. I struggle now for a greater future so that I can be a great man like my father, but also be a great father like he turned out to be.

Hehe, I had just put Yoda back into my avatar Senan, so I agree with you!!

For me, a few generations of military men tended to draw one on a path of same, so that was my initial momentum... an awareness of the life experience of previous male generations (ie fighting in wars) and seeking to excel in the most likely imminent adult life reality. Not shying or running away from it, but instead grabbing it and crushing it. But I found out it was not to be, and also that those early motivations tend to hang around throughout life!!

But no real one person. Theater does provide exemplifiers of certain attributes which if I could put in a pot and boil up might make an interesting thing, but it's going to run the risk of being strung together superficiality.... so I find it better to try (learn and experience) those attributes of self, such that its the journey of being you, more then the destination of wanting to be something else.

I'm not trying to be wordy, its just how I've sort of always seen it as a consequence of trying to excel at reality. As old people are from the past and young people should prepare for their future!
I should know, over 60% of people on this Earth are younger then me!!!

I just want to be someone who does their best with what they have, and leaves good things behind when they're gone. But deep down, I dream of being like my aunt, who taught so many how to find joy and inner peace.

Adi wrote: I just want to be someone who does their best with what they have, and leaves good things behind when they're gone. But deep down, I dream of being like my aunt, who taught so many how to find joy and inner peace.

I want to be like Adi!

I admire Brené Brown, who studies shame and resiliency. I would like to be as courageous around vulnerability as she is.

I admire the author Maya Angelou. I would like to be a wordsmith like her; using words and story to teach.

I admire Senan. I hope to be as graceful around illness as he is, one day.

I admire a woman I know, Karin. She is confident in standing up for her boundaries and needs and wants. I would like that confidence.

Amanda Palmer. I want to be as comfortable with my differences as she is with hers; her courageous authenticity is amazing.

Like any boy growing up whenever I grew up, if I grew up, I have my selection of "idols" - James Bond, Marcus Aurelius, Tim Winton, etc.

As far as real-life people I've known and want to emulate?

Well, every boy either wants to make his Dad happy, or kick his arse.

Now Dad is a miserable bastard of a human, and, as far as I can tell, he seethes with rage at the fact he has to exist in a world he finds wholly unsatisfactory - but he handles that with considerable aplomb, and facing an uncaring world he raised a son he never wanted, another son that wasn't his, and put up with an idiot of a wife, whilst going to work every damn day. The world gave his mother cancer, his dad cancer, and then it gave him cancer.

I've never heard him complain once.


(I complain all the time, so evidently that quality didn't carry over )

There are others who have given me....lessons, that I try to keep to, but that doesn't make them necessarily people I want to be "more like" - just "ah, some wisdom escaped their lips"

I am arrogant enough to believe I am (probably) doing the right things most of the time, so I'm fairly happy being whoever it is that I am, and not too concerned with measuring myself against the yardstick of semi-mythical figures (ie, anyone I have not met)