The Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever feel like an imposter? Like you are Fake , or think people will find out that you are Fake ?
When i was talking to a friend the other day i told her that one day Clint and Brenna would visit me and i will meet Opie in june in Barcelona and that he would see right through me and that that kind of scared me and i could not put into words why . When we started going deeper into the conversation i kind of admitted that i was afraid that they would find out what a fraud i am , how they would see that i am not as wonderful as everyone thinks i am , that i have aches , and longings and a deep rooted longing to always to do more than humanly possible.
My friend smiled at me and ensured me that was not even the half of it haha

She called me a perfectionist , self castiding , self loathing , hot mess sometimes and made it hard for others to follow what i was really about. The conclusion was that i think i am never enough, that i will never do and that the way i am trying to improve myself sometimes work against me , and thus i fail , like every other human being.

I feel better no i can name my feelings , the imposter syndrome , it makes clear how i struggle and why. Its time to try stuff that i am not good at , just because i can , just because failure is imminent and part of growing. Time to stop pushing people and emotions away because of lack of self love and fear of discovery.
Its funny how this ties in a little with the post about Self Improvement aswell ..
Ow and about that Imposter Syndrome
www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types...s-to-battle-each-one

Used to be a 3 as an adolescent and it was no problem, until I lost the ability to focus on anything other then the ladies.... then it became a problem because I stopped delivering. But it didn't bring me down - rather got buried down deep as social anxiety. For I wasn't me, and so I didn't want to be fake and pretend to be me or pretend to be someone else. In a way it was like losing oneself. You start again not on the same path, but on a path you can actually make steps forward on.

You start again not on the same path, but on a path you can actually make steps forward on.

Nice , yeah this needs to sink in , i think its very hard to just stop and change what you are used to , but its true Acanthos , many people make the same mistakes , expecting different outcomes. You know the funny thing is , sometimes it feels you are on a path of pain and failure when in reality you are finally moving forward
And i recognize not wanting to be a phoney , but who are we then? Something we spend our lives on finding out !

I feel like an imposter all the time!

Sometimes, when I think back to who I used to be, I know I am not that person anymore. And I think about who I want to be, or who I try to be every day, I know I am not that person either.

Right now, I guess I just am who I am. But in all honesty, I am not all that sure who that person is… which feels like being an imposter in itself! LOL

I have been chalking it up to I am not finished my journey to where ever I’m going and so I really can’t be that person yet. So trying to define or describe or live up to or whatever, that person is… is just not realistic.

On the other side, I am comfortable with who I am right now. But I’m not always sure exactly “who” that is. I know… confusing LOL

On the other side, I am comfortable with who I am right now. But I’m not always sure exactly “who” that is. I know… confusing LOL

That is a good point really , i have been focussing so much lately on what i do that i kind of lost track of who i am and sometimes to the point where i feel it does not matter who i am because somehow my actions will determine more who i am than words ever will. But having said that , i would like to know who i am in order to find out how to do more...
Also very often i am not comfortable with who i am , but that is because i often just dont do what i am supposed to do

Ah well gotta start somewhere right ?