Do we really care about other people's children?

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5 years 7 months ago #2263 by Serenity
I was reading the following article on how we want to save one child with all means possible but are completely blind for what is happening to children on a broad scale. Do we really care about children as much as we say or does our care stop when there is no media coverage?

If we really felt responsible for other people’s children — then how could so many children be in so much peril for so many reasons? If we had alerts for all the neglected and abused and exploited children, the noise of the amber alerts would be unbearable

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What are your thoughts on the following article ?

DO We Really Care About Other Peoples Children

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5 years 7 months ago #2266 by Wescli Wardest
I had a ridiculously long post written and then had a power outage… sigh.

Which is probably for the best because I let the reply be based off my emotional response to the article. Which I believe that was the authors attempt, to elicit an emotional response.

To address some of the stuff in the beginning of the article, I thought I’d share a little about the Amber alert and some program stuff for teenage mothers. Sure, that is not the whole point of the article but I felt it was worth sharing.



The AMBER Alert System began in 1996 when Dallas-Fort Worth broadcasters teamed with local police to develop an early warning system to help find abducted children. AMBER stands for America's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response and was created as a legacy to 9-year-old Amber Hagerman, who was kidnaped while riding her bicycle in Arlington, TX, and then brutally murdered. Other states and communities soon set up their own AMBER plans as the idea was adopted across the nation.


Guidelines for Issuing AMBER Alerts

school programs for teenage mothers

“I’m not sure why empathy is so out of fashion.”


Honestly, I am not sure if the author is trying to elicit an emotional response from the reader or if it just pisses me off because of my past experiences.

I will say that it takes a community to raise a child. That does not mean that everyone in the community has the particular burden of that child but every child that you come into contact with you influence one way or another, rather you want to or not. That is just part of living in a community. And we all have responsibility to each other! So if someone needs help we should help them. Or at least point them to where they can find help.

I hate the seemingly popular idea in some circles that the state or some random group of “experts” knows what’s best for us or our progeny. As far as I am concerned, until one has successfully raise a child to adulthood and that child is at least starting down the path to being a successful pillar and contributing member of that society, that person doesn’t know crap about raising children or what would be best for anyone. It is purely speculative and hypothetical. And just because one person raised a/some children successfully does not mean they will have the answer for other children and family situations as all are unique and individualistic.

Next, I will say that I do not believe that empathy and sympathy are good reasons or things to make or base laws or rules from or on. And even if everything is done right, the right choices are made, people can still have a shitty life. That’s just how it is. It is very unfortunate! And we should be there to help and support those people and children. And even with all the help and rules and laws people can provide and come up with, it still may not make a difference.

All that said, I know exactly how the children in that article feel. The way life is for them. And what they go through. I was that starving child in the hallway that relied on school lunches. I had the abusive guardians. I moved constantly because we couldn’t pay rent. I wore old, torn a tattered rags because we couldn’t buy new clothes. I went hungry many times because I made sure my little brother ate before I did and if there wasn’t enough, then there just wasn’t enough. I stole to eat. And through all of it, it was the church that helped us. Not some teacher or government program. It was the kind generosity of others in the community that helped feed us, get us jobs and even provide Christmas. I could go on and on about the horrors that were my childhood but what purpose would it serve.
Rather, I will go on with what I learned from those experiences…


Determination, perseverance, perspective, compassion and faith; these are the most important lessons from my childhood.

long story


Utopia doesn’t exist. And I don’t think that we, human beings, can make it either. And that is why we as individuals have to be able and willing to help others. The problems of the world can seem huge and overwhelming. And we can’t fix them all. But what we can do is help those that are in our direct sphere of influence. As Mahatma Ghandi is accredited with saying, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
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5 years 7 months ago #2267 by Serenity
Power outages are awesome , whether they are in your head or in real life , we are Forced to rethink our thoughts and thereby adjust our actions. Especially in emotional responses there is a lot to gain to count to ten , and if then nature or the Force gives us a hand in that , we should be grateful , what you wrote was probably a test run for your actual response loll In Stoic thinking you train yourself to read , take in , read again , take in again , write your first thoughts including swearing and then look at it from a Stoic standpoint , i notice a great difference in my responses in the beginning of my online life and my responses now. You learn very fast that you getting upset about abuse does not help the children and paralyzes in the end because we get caught in thoughts of revenge and misplaced justice.

Thank you for sharing the guidelines , there was a lot of that that i did not know , i never understood why one child was worth headlines and others remained hidden or even forgotten , i must say , i did not have an emotional response to the article , i was and am very driven to find actual proof of neglect by authorities and parents etc. I did not feel the author tried to elicit an emotional response and i hardly agree with all his points because they lack proof and the experience he had with Teachers and you Wes had with Churches or even a Community is alien to me.

very alien....
Warning: Spoiler!


I agree that it takes a village to raise a kid , after my 11th year i found that village and it went uphill from there, school, friends etc. The community was never very tight where i come from , even family ties are not that close , i hardly ever see my siblings and other relatives. About bringing up children and caring about other people's children. I have been the Foster Parent of 3 girls , and a crisis Mum for 2 girls here in the village. And i have a daughter of my own. Most of them are doing very well , i am the Bonus grandmother of 6 children that are of my foster child Simone. And still i don't know if i am fit to raise a child !! Every child is different , with different needs , and some kids are just opportunistic little shits...and still we try to love them and care for them. I want that love for every child , unachievable , not possible , but i have already made a few happy ;) so i totally feel you on the “look around you and see what you can do “ part. And i have little faith in the authorities , although , with my detective license i can work for the Child Protection programs and other authorities that do work for children and teenagers.

Sadly i recognize a lot of what you say about the children that were sent to school without food , wearing worn down clothes and that hurts a lot , i understand that , the thing is , my parents were well off , we had food , clothes, a roof over our heads , we tried to help the people around us , but where we lived was so much drug violence and it was so unsafe. People did not understand the values we had , neither did they try to understand that we thought that sharing was caring. It was each for themself and there was much jalousy. And yet our door was always open , my father made tomato soup for half the neighbourhood and even took my 14 year old friend Bertie in when she got pregnant. It took years of persistence and keeping our spirits up to make people realise we meant well, they started to trust us.

Laws should be grounded in reason. common sense and not the flavour of the month. Laws should also not be based on telling others what to do i think, That is why most laws are flawed. Especially the ones concerning children services. They do more damage that good and in fact as you pointed out damage the self-reliance and the right to live and grow in your own unique way.

What i learned from my past is a great sense of responsibility for others , a great hunger for justice and a drive to do better. To be better , to persevere. And what i am learning now is restraint and discipline so i can finish my education and go and do what i am good at
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5 years 6 months ago #2279 by Jäger
This article triggers the hell out of me. What's important to understand is that the writer believes he's identified this gross social problem but, in fact, he's only pointing out a symptom of a greater, underlying problem: We do not live in a high-trust society. If you want to know why just private message me but I warn you, you probably won't like the painful truth.

This author, sobbing over his tacos, is virtue-signalling. While his heart may be in the right place, he's ignorant. He doesn't point to the root of the real problem. I bet this guy doesn't have kids of his own, to be honest. He talks about income inequality, gang violence, and young, ill-prepared teenage parents. Well, there's a very obvious but not-poltiically-correct answer to that, too.

This guy, Larry Strauss, doesn't care about other people's kids like he wants you to believe. I'm sure he rants and raves about children being separated from their "parents" (using quotation marks because usually those they arrive with aren't their parents) at the U.S./Mexico border but won't stop to think that maybe these "parents" shouldn't have forced their children to travel hundreds, if not thousands, of miles across Cartel infested waste-land.

Put your emotions aside, think with your mind and not with your heart. If everyone loved and protected their own children then we wouldn't have to worry about everyone else's.
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5 years 6 months ago #2280 by Serenity
Very well spotted Jager , those are the points that are important to discuss , that is why i posted it , it is all to condemning , but in the wrong way.
I am sure the writer things he is acting with a good heart , but like you and Wes , i also miss the logic , there must be a way to act and help that is grounded in reason rather than a gut feeling. I get that he wants us to care , but we need to care for the right reasons,

The distrust in authority stems from the trial and error based laws that are grounded in overacted emotions and running behind the facts, For us to gain trust that people are safe with us we have to have clear outlines and principles that we dont stray from , without taking away the self-determination from parents and people that put their trust in us.

If you ever want to tell why you think the way you do , you can always pm me , you know we are here for you as you have been there for me :)
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5 years 6 months ago #2281 by Senan
For better or worse, I find that I often have a naive, if not somewhat pretentious perspective on a lot of issues like this. It is because I grew up very privileged and continue to live a privileged life today. It is easy for me, like this author, to sit on the sidelines and tell other people the "right" way to raise their kids because the world I have lived in has always given me more than I ever needed. I've never been hungry or lacking sufficient clothing. I've rarely had to struggle financially and I've always had a parachute of wealthy parents to rely on. With this disclaimer out of the way, I'll share my most honest opinion.

I do believe that I can care about other people's children, but realistically I care most when there is a familial or emotional connection to me. I feel like this is only natural. I feel a desire to protect and care for my own. From a biological sense, everyone else is either competition or someone else's problem to raise. I might have an opinion about how the neighbor is disciplining their kid, but if it doesn't effect me and the activity isn't illegal, it's none of my business. I don't have children of my own, so my focus and care goes to my nieces first, and then my close friend's children. These are the one's I will make an effort to protect and provide for financially, emotionally, and spiritually.

That said, I consider myself an empathetic and compassionate person. If I see a child alone and crying, I will try to comfort them and find their guardian. In an emergency, I like to think I would put myself in harm's way to protect any child before worrying about other adults. Given a choice, I will spend my money to feed, clothe, and educate children before I will spend it to support adults. I'm happy to see my tax dollars paying for school lunches and healthcare for children. I learned this from both of my parents who were lifelong school teachers. Both of them put a tremendous amount of time, effort, and love into teaching and caring for other people's kids. Sometimes they could truly make a difference in the trajectory of a child's life, so I do believe that caring for the children of others can be effective and beneficial. It is just not necessarily my first instinct and I don't proactively look for ways to help on a regular basis.

What I have learned from working alongside you all here in the Order is that recognizing my perspective and being honest about it is the beginning to understanding how I can turn my perspective and experience into helpful action. I don't know what it is like to be poor and I don't have children of my own. I wasn't abused and I didn't have to rely on my church, the government, or strangers in order to survive and thrive. Because of that, I realize the importance of relying on you all to guide me and offer suggestions when it comes to issue like this that I'm not all that familiar with. I learned long ago from my wife that no matter how much I think I can empathize with women, I'm not a woman :lol: Sometimes it is best to shut up and listen to those who actually know what they are talking about.

First Knight (Nov 26th, 2018)

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5 years 6 months ago #2282 by Serenity

Sometimes it is best to shut up and listen to those who actually know what they are talking about.


That is always a good idea , however , people can have had too many problems and then it helps when a fresh unspoiled pair of eyes shime in.
The thing is , when you had it good , you know what your parents did right , you know how much they loved you and protected you , so , you are the right person to communicate what that love and protection should look like where as an abused person could be blind to certain aspects as you are blind to certain aspects , but that is just my opinion , something i just cooked up having read what you wrote.

I think the author missed the opportunity to point out that one action affects all , meaning ,we are all responsible for our actions , but when someone crashes your car , you have to take it to the garage and hope that the person who crashed it will pay up , but still ,its your responsibility as an adult. Same goes for abused and neglegted people. If they are not aware they can get into trouble , like i did, like many of us did.

Besides , there are many things that i have not been through and there are many things that i am very blessed with. The point being , i can be emphatic without actually having lived the experience , and so can we all. Whitin Reason , ..pun intended
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5 years 6 months ago #2283 by Jäger

Senan wrote: For better or worse, I find that I often have a naive, if not somewhat pretentious perspective on a lot of issues like this. It is because I grew up very privileged and continue to live a privileged life today. It is easy for me, like this author, to sit on the sidelines and tell other people the "right" way to raise their kids because the world I have lived in has always given me more than I ever needed. I've never been hungry or lacking sufficient clothing. I've rarely had to struggle financially and I've always had a parachute of wealthy parents to rely on. With this disclaimer out of the way, I'll share my most honest opinion.


Senana, though I appreciate your honest disclaimer regarding the circustances of your childhood, you should not see yourself as priviledged for having parents that loved and cared for you. That is what all parents should do. The only problem resulting from that is if you failed to appreciate your upbringing and squandered the opportunities that arose from that stable base.

By all means, I am not criticizing you for the way you feel but I want to dispell a modern myth. That myth being- we live in a world where normalcy is misconstrued to mean "priviledge." If you are not brought up poor or subjected to a terrible domestic situation as a child then you are suppose to think of yourself as privileged; meaning you enjoy special rights or immunity to life's woes. This is an unhealthy way to view oneself. In reality, being loved and cared for by one's parents and given every opportunity to succeed is the way things ought to be.

In my opinion, you are not privileged but rather burdened. Burdened with the responsiblity to do the same for your children and use that upper hand to build your family's legacy and improve the world around you. We should see an upward trend throughout the generations. Each one that comes after the preceeding one should enjoy more stability (or modernly known as "privilege") if done correctly. With that upward trend of stability for our children we should see an upward trend in the stability and growth of society. Unfortunately that is not the case and is a topic for another discussion...
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5 years 6 months ago - 5 years 6 months ago #2291 by Brenna
My response to this comes from my experience of being a teacher. And very simply the answer is that no, we dont. For the even more simple answer that we do not really exist as a community as such anymore (we are VERY much little islands), and that having children is seen as something that you're "supposed" to do, rather than something many WANT to do.

Perhaps if we as a society stopped treating having children as a box to be ticked and more like one of the greatest of lifes responsibilities, not to be taken lightly or without serious consideration, we may start to see a shift.

I cant tell you how many frustrated parents I deal with on a daily basis who feel like they are in this parenting thing alone. How many barely have the head space to keep up with their responsibilities, let alone find room for other peoples kids. And how many are simply too self interested to give of their time to participate in the "village".

I can certainly empathize with the articles author. I have days where I simply cant deal emotionally with some of what I see. and some days where it makes me incredibly angry. But im uniquely placed to actually make a difference which helps. Teachers are not powerless in this.
Last edit: 5 years 6 months ago by Brenna.
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5 years 6 months ago - 5 years 6 months ago #2292 by Serenity
I dont really have anything to add to what you wrote Brenna , other than when you see things around you that are painful to watch one should try to manage oneself into a position where you can help and be of service. Which you did ...

In general and this is not pointed at anyone who commented here , i think its pointless to complain about people not caring , it does not stop the not caring. That is why i wanted your opinion on this article , because although i think the author has a point , i dont see any real solutions offered to solve this issue other than pressing people to get involved. For some reason applying more pressure is just what most parents dont need ;)
Last edit: 5 years 6 months ago by Serenity.
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