My Needs (aka, Community Building)

I welcome responses to this, as always. I want to say that this is an area I am very sensitive and vulnerable around, so if folk could take that I to consideration when forming and wording their responses, I'd be grateful.

I also want to say that my feelings about MOoK are entirely mine. I own them. They are based on my own particular brain chemistry and background and veils and lenses. My feelings are in no way a condemnation of anyone or anything at this site. These are my very individual and personal emotions based on my very individual and personal quirks.

And I know that we are currently a very busy and very small community who tries their best.

So yeah, on with the show

I don't feel a sense of belonging here. I feel a bit like I walked into a meeting and a few people smiled, perhaps shook my hand and gave me an agenda, but I sat alone, took my own notes, and left alone. And then no one got in touch to see how the meeting went for me or if I had any questions and.... this is a bad analogy. I like to use analogies to talk about things without actually talking about them. Let me try again.

I don't feel like there is real community here at MOoK. Or if there is, I don't feel a part of it. In order to feel more connected, more familial, there are some needs I've identified.

The first is, I need to know people. Not just, what are your thoughts on Charlie Chaplin and soup kitchens, but who are you and what does your day to day look like and what makes you laugh and cry and do you like green grapes or red best and what are your thoughts on sea lions constantly being called seals.... And I want you guys to know these things about me, too. I want to feel like you want to know these things about me. Practically, I guess this could take the form of more real time chat (perhaps a sound or flash that let's us know if there's a new message in the chat, so responses can be more timely?). Or perhaps I'll start a random questions thread, and we can just use it to get to know each other.

Another thing I need is to feel more supported. I'm a person who needs external appreciation to remain motivated. I feel like, if it's just for me then what's the point? I definitely have spent years working on, and continue to work on, being my own cheerleader but I suspect that even if I got River colored pompoms and wore my hair in a bouncy blond ponytail, I'd still be a person who derives a lot of motivation and will power from people saying "Hey, I see you, I saw that thing you did! It was a good thing! You learned such and such a thing! I see your effort and your growth and what's more, I like it!" I see this happening through chat as well as in responses to forum posts. Clicking the "thank you" button is nice. It's an acknowledgement. To me, it feels a bit like a form letter. An actual posted response, even if it's as simple as "This was good to read, thanks" has a lot more nourishment in it, for me.

So yeah. That's it. That's all I've got for now. I hope we continue to grow. Together

Yeah, I definitely understand and appreciate the "work in progress" thing. And that's totally fair and as it should be.

And, that said.... I might not be a person who can be in on ground floor level communities. I don't know. I guess being here is kind of an experiment for me in that regard. I have some pretty specific needs and some pretty unfortunate reactions if they aren't met. Which is all about me and not at all about any community or person, of course. But still, I need to protect my rather fragile mental health.

Bizarrely, I have very similar issues with TOtJO... I yearn for deep and real relationships. I guess most people get that in their offline life so don't work too hard on it online, maybe? Or it really is just entirely me and my brain. Or both.... Or something I haven't thought of.....

Honestly, I have some of those same needs too, River.

I like to feel like I'm getting to know the people I am associating with. The nice thing about having such a small community on a site like this is that that sort of interaction is fairly easily achievable if people are willing to do it.

As for your specific requests for knowledge.

Who am I? Well, I'm Lykeios (Adam, if you must/prefer). I am 28 years old and am currently in the process of both switching jobs and writing a novel (either my fourth or fifth, I honestly can't remember off the top of my head). I am married to a woman whom I love deeply and enjoy spending time with as much as is possible. I live in southern central Pennsylvania (near the state capitol [two hundred points if anyone knows what city that is without Googling or otherwise cheating]) and, for the most part, love living here. I was born and raised in Central California (just outside Fresno [another two-thousand points if anyone can guess which city that might be without cheating]). I prefer green grapes to red. I never saw anything with Charlie Chaplin in it. I've never volunteered at or sought help from an actual "soup kitchen." If someone mentions a "seal" I usually ask for clarification on if they actually mean "seal" or "sea lion." (There IS a difference for Zeus's sake!) Oh! And I am a Greek/Hellenic Polytheist (technically not "Hellenic" because I don't follow the Hellenic time period's beliefs/practices) which means that when I say "Zeus's sake" I actually mean Zeus the king of the Gods/esses.

What does my day look like?
Well, that depends...today, for instance, I'm lounging around in bed watching Doctor Who (thanks to the construction noises across the street my wife moved into the other room to sleep so I am free to watch whatever I like, lol) and later I will probably have to move some furniture around.

What makes me laugh? Wow...ummm, a lot of things! What makes me cry? It sort of depends on my mood...anything from a sad movie to someone I care about crying. Then there are other times where I can't even cry over something terribly sad and depressing.

Does all that help? Or did I take you too literally?

Harrisburg!!!
Also, I love Pittsburgh.

Ok, I'm gonna go read the rest of your post now, but I had to prove my amazing geography knowledge

Lykeios wrote: Honestly, I have some of those same needs too, River.

Does all that help? Or did I take you too literally?

It all helped a lot, thank you!
I'm on the autism spectrum, it's pretty hard to take me *too* literally, lol!

I totally believe what you are saying, intellectually. Emotionally, I'm just not there yet, though :/

I appreciate your response. And your hug